Depression
The Mar A Lago
(to the tune of Kokomo) On the Florida coast, there’s a place called Mar-A-Lago That’s where Trump likes to go to get away from it all Golf clubs and fake tans, secret meetings with Putin He’ll be grabbing pussies with his small hands Down in Mar-A-Lago The Mar A Lago Ingredients 1.5 oz coconut rum…
Read MoreThe Climate Denier
There is literally a cocktail for every Trump occasion in Cocktails for Survival: Not as Trump as you drink I am. I didn’t realize how apropos some of these would become. Today, the Climate-Denier-in-Chief is set to sign an Executive Order that would radically change regulations that affect climate change because really, who needs clean…
Read MoreThe ACA Replacement
Did you hear the good news? Republicans have revealed their replacement for the Affordable Care Act. Designed almost exclusively to help the rich maintain and increase their wealth while screwing over the poor, sick and elderly. “Sorry, Aunt Lettie, I know you need your dementia meds, but here’s a voucher for some Tylenol instead. Have…
Read MoreExclusive: Mike Pence’s Top 8 Revealed
Drunk Publius can exclusively reveal today Mike Pence’s MySpace Top 8. Sources have confirmed today that throughout his governorship of Indiana, Mike Pence routinely performed official state business from his AOL email account. Drunk Publius has researched and also discovered the following information published on Mike Pence’s Geocities website. Modem Speed: 3200 baud Favorite Browser: Netscape Favorite Search Engine: Lycos OS:…
Read MoreCongressional Address Drinking Game
Tonight’s the night! President Trump will be addressing a joint session of Congress in prime-time. Speech is set to start at 9PM. We are here to help you get through it with some cocktails and a handy drinking game. Grab your copy of Cocktails for Survival: Not as trump as you drink I am and choose…
Read MoreThe Hand Jerker
Drunk Publius is obsessed with the President’s inability to shake hands like a normal human-being. Apparently the only way to prove your masculinity is by jerking on the hand of your unsuspecting subject. There’s no way this move makes you look like an asshole compensating for tiny hands. It only makes you look strong and…
Read MoreThe Out Like (Michael) Flynn
Trump’s Presidency is going to be such a series of disasters and losses that future generations are going to be baffled by the use of the word “trump” in card games. So too has Michael Flynn’s rapid exit from the Trump administration (not to mention his 2014 firing from the Obama administration) turned the phrase…
Read MoreThe Nordstrom Rack and Rye
My daughter Ivanka has been treated so unfairly by @Nordstrom. She is a great person — always pushing me to do the right thing! Terrible! — Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) February 8, 2017 Reinvent Yourself with this high-end cocktail, but do it where style meets savings, at the Rack! You won’t find Ivanka’s clothing or shoes…
Read MoreThe Spicer Fact
Sean Spicer is a raging ball of cognitive dissonance. As it turns out, trading one’s dignity telling lies in service of a short-fingered vulgarian makes a guy cranky. He needs a nap, a snack, and an honest job. But, so long as he’s yelling alternative facts at the White House press corps, what you’ll need…
Read MoreThe Bowling Green Massacre
In today’s version of “Shit Kellyanne Conway is making up,” we bring to you a new drink we call The Bowling Green Massacre. Drink enough of these and you too may hallucinate the unnecessary, indiscriminate killing of a large number of human-beings in Bowling Green, Kentucky. The Bowling Green Massacre Ingredients: 1 oz absinthe 1 oz fresh lime juice…
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