Martini Monday

Hey, Everybody! It’s Martini Monday with Cocktails for Survival! We thought we’d take a few minutes to highlight a few of the deliciously funny martinis we conjured up for your next Trumped-Up Cocktail Party!

Here’s the lineup:

The 400-lb Hacker

Who else but Donald Trump could roll both fat-shaming and hacking into one big lie? It makes perfect sense because when the DNC gets hacked, the only real people to blame are those with high BMIs. DUH! A little apple schnapps, a maraschino cherry and some vodka … and why not, throw in a handful of Nerd candies just for fun.

The Man Baby

Whatever the reason you have for drinking it, this drink is sure to ease your pain and make you forget your president is vain. Garnishing with whipped cream, sprinkles, and a Ring Pop will pacify even the biggest of man babies.

The Locker Room

If you can’t drink straight testosterone, we recommend The Locker Room as the next best thing. Get our your fanciest man glass, flex those muscles and pour in some of your manliest manliness. What else could be more delicious?

The Hamilton

Raise your glass to freedom and try and figure out how to get all those who #BoycottHamilton on Twitter to give you their tickets to the most fantastic musical of all time.

The Third Party

And finally, what would a party be without the jerk who drank according to his conscience. Enjoy this green drink and try not to think about all those other drinks that deprived the country of the opportunity to enjoy the one well-qualified, sane drink in this whole entire godforsaken world.