Archive for February 2018
The Would-Be Savior
Our President, as we all know, is a quiet man not given to idle talk or self-promotion. His idea of Paradise is working his land by day and reading the classics by night. As a Christian, he takes seriously the Lord’s admonition about turning the other cheek and loving his neighbor as he loves himself.…
Read MoreThe Constitutional Carryout
The National Association of American Distilleries has released a new study that shows conclusively that the solution to alcoholism is to drink more alcohol. Therefore they are calling for new legislation that would address this public health crisis. NAAD spokesman, “‘Alcoholism’ is just a myth made up the Anti-Saloon League. And besides, what about people…
Read MoreThe Military Parade
What says, “we respect the Founding Fathers’ vision for a Republic governed by civilians?” What says, “No more kings?” What says, “we have learned the warning lessons history has to offer about militarized societies?” Is it a military parade? No? Well, if you have a small penis and delusions of grandeur, fuck it. Tanks and large…
Read More