Archive for December 2016
The Putin’s Puppet
Great move on delay (by V. Putin) – I always knew he was very smart! — Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) December 30, 2016 You’d think we’d all have realized by now that Trump and Putin’s relationship is more than platonic. Apparently, their love knows no bounds, least of all Twitter boundaries. Since this love affair…
Read MoreOnly God Can Help You Now, I’m Out
by guest blogger, Alexander Hamilton’s Ghost Jesus fucking Christ, America. Are you kidding me with this shit? I was just a man. I wasn’t a prophet or a fortune teller. But even so, I could not have described Donald J. Trump more accurately than I did in Federalist 68. Would it have been easier for…
Read MoreThe Electoral College is the Gift that Keeps on Giving
Created by men wary of democratic impulses, the Electoral College is a vestigial organ of the body politic. When all is going well, you don’t notice it. But, like an appendix or gall bladder, it can become infected and, if not removed in time, cause pain or even burst and poison the body. In the…
Read MoreTrump’s Unpresidented Tweets are a Cocktail for Disaster
If you drink to the point of memory loss, more things will be unprecedented to you. “I was dancing with a lampshade on my head last night? That’s unprecedented!” “What do you mean that I did the same thing on New Year’s Eve? No way!” (While a Trump Presidency may drive Democrats and Republicans alike…
Read MoreHow will we survive a Trump presidency?
The first question many of us asked ourselves after the 2016 election was how will we survive a Trump presidency? The morning after was like waking up from a nightmare to realize the nightmare was just beginning. The first few days, eating and drinking at all was a chore. But a few days after the…
Read MoreNo, you’re the puppet
Did you ever get the feeling there is a giant hand stuck way up inside Donald Trump’s extra-large asshole? Like maybe, Trump’s evil twin’s hand is up there? His Russian evil twin. And that Donnie actually enjoys having a giant Russian hand up his ass? Yeah, me too. And it makes me need a drink.…
Read MoreOhio hates women!
You are going to need a strong drink for this one! The Ohio legislature passed a bill that bans abortion before a woman even knows she’s pregnant! Sorry all you people with ectopic pregnancies! Hope you like to die… because Ohio thinks that if you’d just not let blastocysts implant in your fallopian tubes you…
Read MoreFinally, the intrusion of clean air into my lungs can end!
“We Are Going to End the EPA Intrusion Into Your Lives” – Donald Trump You know what I hate? Fresh air! And you know where I hate it? IN MY LUNGS! If the air I breathe isn’t giving me lung cancer, than I don’t want it. I’m in luck, though, because President-Elect Trump has selected…
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